June 19
05:27
It’s a friday. Last day. Get hard, harder, better, more.
Guess We’re gonna go a certain direction. Maybe We already are. Who knows. Gotta watch the clip though…
See ya soon.
14:38
It’s time to die. Time to go out there and drop dead. Hopefully We do. But We probably fucking won’t. What a mess. This notion motion. It is the only thing that keeps Us going.
//
That was some gloomy shit. But it’s always been like that. Early on in life there was this gloom that covered Our thoughts. We were always avoiding the darkness by playing stupid, acting strange, talking weird. Making up shit on the go. Always making up shit. Sort of bored, you could say. But more so lonely… We were looking for that validation, but not in the way others yearned for this, Our way was a special kinda way. In a sense We wanted people to hate Us. Wanted them to feel inferior, but not so much negative. We wanted, not to be better, just simply hold more value.
Hey, society is all about value, so could you really blame Us…
June 20
11:35
Saturday. Not good, not bad either. It’s getting better again. Slowly, weekend after weekend. Earlier. It’s almost impossible. It’s like We’re paralyzed by something. The body is a mess. The body is faded. Not the spirit though. The spirit is willing. So… We must find that connection between the body and the spirit.
We said to run a 3.11 because We should de-load a little bit. Now We’re already talking ourself into a 4.40. We got some issues. Maybe We should do a 4.40. Maybe. But you know, it’s like, whatever the plan, We can never really keep ourself to it. Whether it’s about hard or easy. That’s the whole thing. We gotta start working this thing out more clearly.
June 21
12:09
It’s nasty. But you know how to solve this. Get up before that shit. That’s how you solve it. Don’t blame others. You could’ve gotten up at 8 or even 7. Then you would’ve been done before she started and you could’ve gone to the store or whatever. Go for a run, whatever.
Stop getting mad about this. Stop all the bullshit. Fix it. Just fucking fix it. Build a routine. And if you need a nap during the day, then take a fucking nap. Just get up early. Get up the fuck up and get after it. That’s the only thing We can say.
During the week you’re a monster. Try and be that same monster during the weekend. Don’t be a weekend warrior and don’t remain a weekly savage. Go the full length. We can do this. We can. But it’s hard. It’s gonna be harsh. It’s gonna be annoying. It’s gonna be everything you don’t want it to be. That much is certain. But it will get you somewhere.
Stop justifying shortcomings, stop talking yourself into slow and steady. Go hard.
Only got a 3.33 miler today, that’s the only easy thing you’ve got right now. Remember though. Next weekend, you’re fucked. Gotta do a 10 miler. So that’s gonna be fun.
This is it for now. Come back to this. You idiot. Try and do more. Always try and do better. Get better, become better, you… You… You…
June 22
06:31
Hey. It’s a monday. We done sway…
It’s a funny thing. You get up, get to work, get back, go to bed, then repeat until friday, then recover and do that shit all over. What a life. That’s some fun, right. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Copy of a copy of a copy. Think it’s supposed to get you down. But there’s also something inside this way of life. Don’t wanna call it an answer though. Just an insight. Don’t really know what it’s about. Guess We’ll have to figure that one out by ourself.
09:51
This is the perfect setting. Silence. Harsh conditions… All this is perfect. Whatever they think this is… They’re so far off it. They ain’t even close to what this really is.
They will never understand. Some people might. Some lost souls out there might truly understand what this is. But most. Many of the every day Joes will never grasp the nature of this excavation…
The deep sense of existence, of living in the opposition. The neglecting of entropy. The struggle against destruction. Because for a couple years, a few decades, that’s all one does. Avoid the fate We’re all destined to experience. Demise…
Keep this up. Don’t worry about anything else. It’s gonna be a lot of work to get away from all this. To float in that headspace where nothing bothers Us, at least, nothing that hasn’t got anything to do with this. Because this is all that matters. Do remember that there are lessons to be learned. Remain observant. Keep that playful detached discerning.
17:26
It’s hot out. Real hot. Like… That scorching hot. That hellfire hot. Gotta love it though. Gotta embrace it though. Whatever the struggle, whatever the situation. Gotta fucking do this shit. No matter what, no matter the cost, nor the dangers. Nothing should be able to stop Us.
Sweating Our ass off. That’s for sure.
Smoke these cigs and take a shit. Then We die. We’ll definitely die this time.
June 23
06:35
It’s obvious. This shit’ll probably last for so long, well… Everyone would get bored eventually. Can’t let that happen though. Can’t let that shit happen. We’ve got another thing going for Us. Something most people will never have because they ain’t gonna dive this deep. They’ll never go down this rabbit hole and explore the world of true madness. Insanity of the highest degree.
This thing comes at a steep price. There’s no half off, no thirty-day money back guarantee. None of that bullshit. Only doing and paying.
17:35
Got those weights… Feeling good. We’re happy beyond anything. Guess We’re gonna do that monologue as fast as possible. So might not write that much. All depends.
Hey… Stop with the bullshit. You know damn well what We’re referring to. That useless pondering on shit that doesn’t even matter. Because that shit don’t even matter. Who are they. You see who they are don’t you? You can tell now. You can see it clearly now. All so clear. The sky opened up. The sun’s showing true colors. Weakness. Not of the body. Weakness of the mind.
June 24
06:33
Just another Wednesday motherfucker.
Get this thing rolling. You’ll survive, without a doubt. But it’s gonna be hard. That’s certain. The funny thing. Think We can manage any type of hard these days. Not so hard anymore you know.
Hope the weights are decent for running. That’s something We’ll figure out today. And We’ll figure it out real fast. Don’t worry…
08:55
Gottta write though. Every chance We get. That’s the practice… The life We must live.
Don’t get dragged into that thing. That mindset of losers, of blamers, of weakness… Helplessness. You ain’t helpless, everything but…
You know. Sometimes We can, and sometimes We can’t. But how many of those can’t’s are won’t’s? That’s a good one right. Because some days, or moments, it’s not so much that We can’t and more like We just don’t want. And that’s sad. Because We got this one thing going great, so We should be able, or at least trying, to apply this in many ways, forms, onto other parts of Our life. Practices, interests… Whatever. Just so We will instead of don’t.
17:39
One thing’s certain…
It’s damn hot, like hellish dessert scorching hot. This is some next level shit.
Funny thing is…
We’re smiling…
June 25
06:32
Thursday…
What a day. It’s like that second to last mile. It always sucks. Because there’s still Friday. Though once this shit’s over with… Everything gets rather great. Friday also sucks, but there’s a finality to it.
Every shimmer of hope, and not hope for finishing, hope for alleviation. That’s what We hold onto, in ways. The sense that a part of the load gets lifted from these shoulders. It’s a resting sense, though We never take a day off… There’s this recovery sense that plays a part in Our continuation.
12:03
Weakness of the mind. It is rampant. It is forever present within the peasant. The everyday man. All around Us, everywhere… The linger, they slumber, they remain within their softness, within their comfortable state, or at least try their utmost best to do so. Not if We can help it. And We can. We can slowly eradicate their weakness without them even knowing.
It’s not so much a weakness, more so the urge to remain pleasant, to feel pleasant. That’s what We think this is all about. But in their pleasantries they fade the sense of happiness and satisfaction.
15:45
Tough on the body, rough on the mind, but the spirit… Unwaivering. Never touched, never shook. Harsh realities are all We need. Harsh truths… Harsh everything. A life lived in pain, in suffering, is the only life lived. All else is merely existed. All else is merely observed. A never ending struggle… That’s the only good struggle. From one day into the other. Unknown, unknown for eternity. Remember the unknown, remember the eternity. Realize the revelation…
Makes no sense, never makes sense. Not a sentence that’s complete, not a paragraph that’s finished. Because it does not exist. Not in this line of work, not in this way of thinking. There’s no such thing as a finish line. It’s something built, created, envisioned… By those yearning closure, ceasing of suffering. But they will never gain such a thing, especially since all they do is shy away from what is real, what is hard. They run from adversity. They avoid the unhappiness yet always wish for happiness. How it must last so long, that sadness… It would destroy Us, would it not? If We’d one day live like them…
17:48
It’s a different hot. It’s hot still. A strange hot…
Maybe something’s coming. A madness of sky… Colliding monstrosities.
Gotta get shit done, though take your time. Aight…
We got another thing coming tomorrow. Don’t worry about that shit.
Good thing We already wrote some weird shit earlier today.
See ya, punk…
23:43
What’s up…
Stop it. Just stop. They don’t matter. None of them matter. Let them speak their shit. Because they’ll never change their shit. You gotta change your shit. How else do you expect any of this to shift and become something valuable.
The struggle though. It’s all part of the process. All part of the plan. God’s plan. The only plan. There’s no other plan. Not yours, not theirs, not anyone’s…
It’s a gift though. This road. Your road… And they have theirs. But We always wonder. Are We walking Ours and are they walking theirs. And what does it mean, to walk your road. What does it mean for them, to walk theirs.
It’s never obvious now, is it? Maybe it becomes obvious along the way, though could We ever know in any manner other than death, the finality… When We meet Our maker as He aids Us in reflection on the life lived, or existed.