Guess this is Our life now. Having some doubts about it, like bitching out on it, though We guess it’s a normal process. Don’t you have doubts, doesn’t anyone? Wonder, you know, better say ‘ponder’ on what’s the heaviest, the harshest, the thing We desire the most. The weed, the video games, the laziness. We were never really into porn so that hasn’t been an issue at all. Would say it’s the weed, but honestly, smelling that shit during Our workouts on the balcony, you know, neighbors hitting it up like that shit grows in the backyard. That really changed Our perception of the substance. It’s a waste of time. Were We ever addicted, maybe. It’s in Our best interest to think so, as it reinforces the notion to stay away from that crap. Do you still smoke, know the other guy does, he even asked Us to hit it up one more time, told him We’d quit for good. Or at least, that’s the plan.
Menace That’s Time
The gaming though. As of late We’ve been pondering on that shit. Thinking about doing it again, but We’re afraid of that relapse, fall back into Our old pattern. Guess it’s that false sense of accomplishment, well, the fact We realized its effect, affecting the brain in a certain way as to leave it in a dopamine addicted state only replenished by that same action of diving into the artificial worlds of pixilated progression, only waking up in the real with all those tasks left to complete. A full sink, nasty sheets, stinking clothes, dirty floors, and worst of all, an unaware conscious of the unconsciousness’ troubles, the ones that keep you awake at night, frustrate you throughout the day, fluctuate emotions as if on a rollercoaster of sensation. The funny thing, and We don’t know for how long, well, at least since this year We’ve stopped puffing, and since this year We’ve slowly decreased and then quit Our gaming activity. All those issues We’ve held deep within for all those past years are still surfacing, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to deal with them as each one that surfaces is a stronger more ingrained menace as those before.
Think each of us could agree on one thing, we’ve wasted so much time, that being if we are honest to ourself. And honestly, We’re getting honest with Ourself. Day by day. It is harsh, We still waste time now and then, sometimes Our time is wasted for Us and picking it back up isn’t always as simple or forthgoing. So, We fail, and that’s the toughest of all things to admit. To say, ‘We failed, We came up short, We didn’t get it right.’ That’s some tough shit, but seems like it’s part of the growth, of the change. It all went so fast if you ask Us now, and it actually goes pretty fast, once you make that first step in the ‘right’ direction, whatever that might be for you, it becomes somewhat easier. It’s never easy, and it’s never fun, saying no to the things you want and saying yes to the things you don’t want. But here We are, writing on a Sunday, all Our workouts in the daily bag. Ran a couple more miles than We planned on at first, We did waste some time watching bullshit on the ‘Tube, though We kept that to a minimum. Did We succeed today? In many ways yes, in other ways We failed.
Your Movie
Well, fuck the weed, fuck the games, fuck all that shit. We’ve wasted enough time already, and when it dawns on you, the moment you realize you can’t get that shit back, that’s when it becomes clear. The only thing that truly matters, how much work there’s left. The amount of steps one must take, and if like Us, you haven’t done shit then there’s a lot left to pursue, and you better start today. Well, We always say, ‘better yesterday than today’. It indicates one sense, hurry the fuck up because you’re lagging. Behind schedule if you will. And to Us that’s life at the moment. Behind on schedule, and that’s a pretty rough state to live in on a constant basis. The consistency of it is what drives you mad while also pushing you to be productive, but that’s a fine line which on the other end of it can lead to stagnation or procrastination. Know that in those moments you must learn to let go, sit with yourself and simply think on things. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t waste those precious minutes behind a screen or in a fictive world. It’s your world that needs attention, your movie that must play out its plot.
That’s true for everyone, is it not? Guess most people never look at it that way. Which to a certain degree is understandable, but honestly, if a dumb fuck like Us can figure this out then why don’t many more of the lost souls roaming this surface? It did take Us to and through some dark places, showed Us many things We never wished to witness and forced Us to admit a lot of shit We never even knew about ourself in the first place. It takes time, and We could say this has only been going on for a year and a half, but it’s actually been going on for way longer, started out even before We knew exactly what We were doing. That might just be it, well, We kinda do feel like it creeps up on you, awake, sleeping, dreaming, it doesn’t matter. It becomes a perpetual notion, it becomes your being. It truly becomes who you are, who you wish to be. And it definitely is a slow process, though it goes faster and faster as you start stacking all those accomplishments day in day out.
Hope you get something out of this. We wrote this for you, and only for you, because We know you can, deep down you really do care, don’t you. It’s just hard to do so, isn’t it. We feel the same way. It’s just a stage like any other. A simple point in life that puts everything into perspective.