Where do We fail? Where do We go wrong, as in turning in a bad direction? Where do We come up short? Where does Our failure come from? And most important of all, can We answer any of these questions? Even if it’s just one.
Hard, Harsh, Tough
Well, think it’s safe to say that We, and most people, don’t ask these questions enough. Do We need them daily? Don’t think so, at least every other day, but daily’s just fine, better even. It’s hard, harsh, tough on the mind, tough on the soul. But these questions will reveal the truth, about yourself and the way you’re dealing with your own life, the flow of it, the wins and the losses, the way it impacts your consistency of things. You know, that list you made, told yourself to do some shit. Did you do that shit. Here’s something We failed at. Got this paycheck from 2023’s holiday money lying on my kitchen counter, it’s 750 euros just lying there waiting to get cashed. All We’ve gotta do is put it in an envelope, write the address, put a stamp on it, and drop it off in the mailbox. That’s all, and after a couple days We’ll get that money deposited into Our bank account. We still didn’t do it, though We could really use that money right now. We’ve failed on this, too lazy to do it, maybe. Just didn’t make the time yet. And to make matters worse, instead of doing it, We are now writing about it.
True, We do a ton of other shit, it’s 11:20 on the clock, should’ve gone to bed about an hour ago and here We are slathering away ink on white. Some bullshit about failure and shortcomings. But We’re doing that. We had to start this, prepare this for tomorrow, get an idea flowing, a notion waking, because this light bulb told Us, it showed Us one thing that might be of use to Us. The pen and paper can engrave thoughts into the active and passive mind at the same time. So, let Us sink deep into this notion of failure and let it tickle Our bones while We nod off into this land of inner exploration.
Lacking, Failing, Whatever…
Now that We’re back, wanna say that there was a short period of time utilized to considering, going over, and dwelling into Our failures yesterday night. Glad We did it like this. This was Our first attempt and We sort of failed at this, but We gotta make sure We do not fail at the consistency of repeating this. Preferably, every damn day until We get sick of it and then do it some more.
One thing that came up last night was Our lack of knowledge on the body, and not just names and what’s what, but more important understanding of the mechanics and functionality. Something close to the big picture if you will. The way Our bones fit and hold together, the way Our ligaments manage the stress, the way Our muscles carry Us through the motions of Our daily struggle against self-inflicted madness. The way Our veins carry about nutrition and oxygen, and all other elements that provide Us with the energy referred to as life. The way Our mind influences the bodily functions that produce Our general progression through existence.
It’s of great importance that We come to know more about these things as We’re officially destroying Our body as of late. We fear certain effects, or at least what might, or could, or should happen, as that could terminate the flow of Our physical endeavor. So not looking into all of this would be a waste of useful information and a sort of failure to accept Our fears, to reflect on them and gain the knowledge to push through, and maybe avoid any future issues.
Done Fucked Ourself
Well. Guess that shit’s gonna take up some, or maybe even most, of Our time. But it might be a necessary expansion of Our understanding of things. It’s gonna suck anyway, whether We stay wasting away in this current position, or use Our capacities, capabilities to pursue a certain path of enrichment. It’s never easy to do more than you can but it’s the situation at the moment. Don’t ever care too much about how long it’s gonna take Us, that notion is slowly fading away behind the madness of Our reality, the one truth, the one failure We must admit. We’ve wasted enough time already. We’ve done fucked ourself way too much in these prior years by avoiding the work, avoiding the truth. It is what it is, nothing can be done about that, but We can do something about it right now.
And the mind, the body, they will follow the spirit if it takes command. If it says fuck you, let’s do this no matter what. And it starts by finding your ultimate truth and then building on that. We always had a big mouth but never did the work that mouth was yapping about. Some of it, sure, but not nearly enough to represent what Our mouth was selling. That’s another one of Our failures.
So, here We are, almost midnight, about six hours of sleep left and We’re still at it. That’s it. That’s how you start. How do We know? Because We started, a while ago, and it’s gonna take a while because there’s not a single finish line in sight. This became Our life, day in day out trying to beat that clock into submission before it beats Us down. Well. We’ll always remember the precious words that one man said. And he’s a hundred percent right. ‘Don’t stop when you’re tired. Stop when you’re done!’ And right now We’re done. But only for today…