May 29
05:25
30 fucking years old. Still nowhere. We did do shit. We did do shit. That’s for sure. But We’re still nowhere. Maybe try though. Maybe try to get somewhere. Try harder. It’s not trying. It’s supposed to be doing. We should just do it. What else is there to do? There’s nothing other than this. So We ain’t gonna try. We’re just gonna do. We’re just gonna do big time. Get shit done. Really make that which We claimed We would. Really get in deep and get to those next levels step by step. There’s no other way. And it’s a slow path. A steady path, but a treacherous one. Snaking all the way along mountain tops of wisdom and teaching. Going up and down, with all its madness, all its gifts.
Let’s see what these next five years can bring Us. Work hard. And most of all, get hard, get harder, do more, do most.
11:51
It’s way different from back then. Are We any different? Maybe… Maybe just a little. There’s still a lot of work, still a lot of stuff that We must focus on. From thought patterns to habits and whatever that circles the mind and the physical.
We walked a pretty rough terrain, though the path is getting tougher. Overgrown by a million vegetations of doubt, disaster, and shortcomings. Failure to continue will occur. But it doesn’t mean We can ever stop. If We stop the damn creatures of Our jungle will catch up, they’ll eat Us alive. Turn Us back towards that path of pity and weakness.
Can’t have that shit happening. Can’t have Our mind fade the way it did a couple years ago. Can’t lose track of the ultimate goal. Become something beyond. Because that’s what it’s all about. Going beyond. Every single day. Become more than you were the day before. And that’s close to a spiritual thing. Maybe it’s a mentally spiritual physicality. Whatever that might be. Just some words that popped up in Our mind along this two year journey We’ve been dominating so far. Dominating in the sense that We continue to pursue a particular consistency. One not many wish to maintain, and many more never wish to attain.
Demanding, neverending, madness. Insanity of the finest cut. Like a diamond, pressurized into greatness.
Then We always come to that point, that notion. What is greatness exactly. It’s not money, nor fame. It has nothing to do with beliefs nor standards. What exactly is greatness? The biggest question of all the philosophies out there in Our opinion.
May 30
13:32
Woke up fucking late again. Really gotta do something about it. Can’t be letting this happen all the time. Gotta force Us put of bed the way We do during the week. Right now it’s not that big of an issue because Our run only takes an hour. But that means We ain’t got time for anything else. Only time for working out, running, and eating. And then We’re not even eating enough.
Gotta figure something out dude. We know, We know it’s tough due to the lack of sleep, the lack of everything actually. Rest and recovery ain’t Our strong suit, but We gotta find a way to surpass those basic needs of a simple human. Gotta become more than that. Gotta work hard to become more than that.
May 31
11:49
Again… Late. Not as much as yesterday. Though We really gotta figure this out. Really gotta find a way to get Us out that stupid bed and get the day rolling. The sooner We start the better. Because We’re done way faster that way. And then We got some more time for other things. For many things actually. It remains to be a problem. So… Look forward to the next weekend, and try and figure something out during the week. Try to see what it is, try to understand what pushes you during the week. Then We might just apply that to the weekend also, and when We master that shit, well. Then We’re gonna be fine. As soon as We manage that, We’re golden. We can take naps, there’s not a single thing wrong with that.
On another note. Let’s get this shit rolling, add sets to your workouts now. We can push this further. We can, We must. Simple as that. We must push further.
That’s all for now.
21:16
Gotta get better. Do better. Become better. More. More. And even more. There’s always room for more. More focus, more drive, more dedication. Focus on what’s necessary. Drive for what’s required. And dedication toward what’s possible. Always more. There’s just no other way. And nothing… Not a single thing should hold Us back. Can’t have that happen any longer. Always push that limit. That daily limit, that perceived opposition. Gotta make it work… There’s no other way. There’s nothing else. Only this. This way of life… Grind, get up, grind, get up, grind, get up, grind. Do more, be more. Forever until the grave. Until the madness ceases to exist. That’s all for today. Get after it again tomorrow.
June 1
05:20
Let’s go. Feel kinda nice. Slept too little but it was quite nice still. The wound is fucked up. Well, parts of that shit, though with some care it’ll be fine.
Gotta find a way, some energy to surpass that 18 rep marker. Alway gass out around 18 reps, not at first though but as soon as We go into the third set We’re fucked.
Gonna do my clothes and that burn first, then make food. Maybe We should do it like that from now on.
Hey, let’s get this shit. Day by day. It’s the only way. Every single fucking day. Gotta keep it going. Keep it up. We can do this. We can get all this. Just keep working at it. Eventually We will find a way. Eventually We will manage.
14:38
People and their pussy shit. That burn’s gonna heal pretty fine. We must agree that one part is all fucked, but it’s gonna be okay. Enough salve and some compresses will do the trick.
Crazy shit. Never doubt your healing powers. They’re mad as a motherfucker. They will manage everything, without question.
16:03
Fucking angry. Fucking pissed. The knee, the knee’s all fucked up. Gotta push through that sucker though. Gotta make it work. Gotta keep grinding. Go further. Deeper, harder… More. Mooooooorrrreeee
22:06
Guess this is early enough. Don’t know though. By the time We hit the sheets, it’s probably a lot later. Try and get enough sleep, though We all know that’s a problem. It’s always gonna be a problem. No doubt. This is just what Our life’s gonna be like.
So one thing is certain right now. Gotta get that idea of sleeping in during the weekend, or catching up on sleep, however you wanna phrase it, out of Our head. That shit don’t work. We need more time during the weekend so We gotta get up a lot faster, a lot sooner. Can’t be laying there until eleven or twelve or whatever. Gotta rise at around nine, preferably before that, but don’t try to leap if you can’t even jump. Take it step by step. Weekend by weekend and before We know, We’re in a habitual cycle and wreck that shit every time. We can do it.
On another not, learn to sleep faster. Stronger. Don’t know how, but look for solutions. Don’t try to sleep. Just sleep. Sleeeeep. Get deep, get more in less time. Become the best sleeper in this entire world. Turn four hours into eight’s worth. You can do this, because look at everything you did so far.
June 2
05:22
So it’s about the same time. Guess so. We can check this though. Two minutes later. Fucked some shit up though along the way. Two minutes is a lot though, if you think about it. Only got thirty of those segments in an hour.
Sometimes We seem to forget that burn’s still there. The shit’s doing a lot better though. Especially compared to how it started. Gotta visit the apothecary after work. Get some new shit, you know. Well, the same shit, just add to Our supply again. Take a little more care of whatever this is. It’s all gonna be okay. Keep telling yourself that, and then it’s all gonna be okay.
The burn, the knee, the heels, whatever…
Let’s get this shit.
16:12
Got some new shit from the apothecary. They must think weird shit. Our sweaty ass in the store dripping salt all over their floor. Crazy. But hey, there ain’t no other way. It is what it is, We can’t be givin’ two shits about any of it. Shouldn’t even be givin’ one shit about anything. Just focus on the quest at hand. That’s the only thing that matters in this life. Dedication towards this goal. Whatever it may be.
Hey, even We don’t know exactly what We’re doing. How We’re doing it… And honestly, the why. That’s a good question also. Yeah. Why are We doing this really. Where is it bringing Us. To what place. Better yet, to what state. Hopefully the weirdest state of mind any human being can possess.
That’s enough for now. Every day a little bit of this shit, and soon We’ll have something to fall back on. Something that requires creation and molding.
June 3
05:25
Raining like crazy. Slept for shit. This thing’s becoming a mess. Don’t know what’s up. Can’t seem to sleep. Can’t fucking sleep for some god damn reason. We’re a fucking mess. We’re fucking tired. Though We gotta keep on going. Like a madman. Get up and get after it. All the time. No matter what…
07:35
Leave it. Just leave it be. Why bother yourself with this shit. Focus on what’s important. Focus your energy on what is necessary. Getting out of this shit.
The only way to escape this… Work hard on yourself. We ain’t done. Not by a long shot. This shit ain’t over. And this, this thing right now. This ain’t your life. It’s just transitioning.
You can deserve better, you can deserve more. But you gotta work towards this shit. Gotta work harder than ever before. Otherwise We’re gonna be stuck here forever.
Gotta get out of this shit man. We can do this. But then We gotta do it. No one’s gonna do this for Us.
And that other job, the one you were thinking about. That’s just another job. Alright. Maybe We ought to go for that shit. Maybe it’ll give Us some more time to work on different things. But it’s just another job.
We gotta make it work. Don’t know how long We can keep this up. Don’t know how long We can maintain this drive, this dedication. Whatever…
Just look at how it’s going. It ain’t great, really isn’t all that great is it now.
Gotta find a fucking way.
16:04
We’re never gonna get anything We want. Never. Or We practically have to die for that shit. That’s just the way it is. It’s literally like that.
Best example. The rain. When We want nothing other than heavy rain storms, We don’t get shit. The skies clear up faster than a square full of liberals in the presence of reality. When We could do without that rain, well… It practically starts hailing monstrous drops from thin stretched clouds that don’t even look like they’re supposed to rain.
Seems that it’s this way with everything. Gotta find a way around that shit though. Start getting what We want.
June 4
05:27
Hey, great job on the workout. We did wreck it now. That was some fine ass shit.
Cramps are ramping up. Don’t understand what’s going on at the moment. Really annoying. Been farting bad since yesterday. Farting real bad. What a mess. Hope it disappears soon enough.
Other than that. Pretty fine. Little tired, don’t give a fuck though. Or at least try not to give a fuck though… Gotta keep on pushing. Gotta keep on pushing.
07:03
The mind… What a joke. Let it run and it will reveal the strangest things to your senses. Nothing within the mind is of value, not any mind on this planet. It’s just action-reaction. That’s all it is. The mind perceives something, and in turn the mind makes you perceive something.
16:31
This run was insane. It’s not good enough yet. But it’s damn good compared to where We started. We gotta be able to do this every now and then. For now though. Take some easy days. Run a little slower. Because the body’s gonna retaliate against this effort.
Again, this damn rain. Again. Whenever We’re done running, whenever We gotta work out on the balcony. Whenever We’re on the job. Yeah, those are the moments. But never when We run. Almost never. Remember when We got rain. When We ran that first 18h thing. That’s when We got rain.
22:20
Time for bed mofo
Let’s get it. Good deep sleep. That’s all We need. And We will get that shit. Without a doubt.
22:22
Got that shit ready for tomorrow. So don’t worry about it. We can do this. Get better, more focus, more dedication. Write what’s necessary. Write what’s required. You know what that is, just takes a lot of soul searching if you will. Go deep. Go deeper. Go beyond… The edge of this hell We uphold. Those walls of demonic natures. The shadow that scorches our spirit, that plagues Our mind. The one that fills Us with ideas, notions, of insanity.