May 22
05:29
Feeling a little better, only slept like 4h and a half. But We’re feeling good. Don’t need to say much now. Gotta focus on tonight. Or better said, the afternoon. Gotta make that shit golden. We’ll see what comes out.
16:11
It’s Friday. That’s a day, ain’t it. Can’t say We don’t agree with the masses of workers finishing up their last projects, cleaning the site, making those last calls, getting those last emails out. Whatever. But We can agree it’s a fine feeling, even glorious to some. They’re gonna go out, hit the clubs, hit the street, hit the whatever they wanna hit…
We got some workouts left. Not really feeling it, never feeling it. That’s certain. The sun’s bright, the temp’s high. People got their plastic pools out in the backyard, living that Bahama dream with a cocktail in hand. The handy man scratching last time’s charcoal from the grill.
Well, that’s life We guess. Not Ours at least. Ours got hella different. Sorta like this shit, because We don’t like it, but this shit’s getting somewhere. All those years before didn’t get Us shit, and never got Us anywhere…
Hard to get, get to hard…
That’s the new motto. It’s simple. Doesn’t need explaining.
Gotta do more to get more. That’s how that shit works. Shoot your shot, you know. Otherwise that target won’t end up used. You’ll never reach it. And maybe you’ll miss, a couple times. But once you try, that’s when you can start to learn. Otherwise nothing will happen. It’s as easy as that.
This is it for now. It’s Friday. Don’t forget coming back. Maybe here, maybe a different one. Doesn’t matter.
20:14
Think We should just fucking do it.
21:22
That shit hit hard. The notion that the weed (or anything) killed the fire deep within. Or at least kept it down. A lot… The power burning within. It’s endless. But We sorta killed that shit. Think it’s getting better now, don’t know though…
Get back to this tonight.
It’s weird, isn’t it. We did do shit. Though it was never enough. We smoked and wrote, we smoked and read, we smoked and hit the gym. Whatever…
23:40
Damn this shit. Gonna have to finish the damn job. Sometimes We can’t. We just can’t. How annoying.
That aside. What’s up…
This damn life, it’s gotta change in ways. In certain ways.
May 23
00:01
You don’t wanna be like them. You don’t. It’s not your life. Not your way. Something is different isn’t it…
14:50
It’s both a good and a bad thing. We slept way too late, so We got “less” time. Just gotta make sure everything’s done within a certain amount of time. That’s the one side.
The other one, this time We did raise Our training readiness and Our overall battery has gone up again. So that’s some good shit. Our recovery need also lowered so that’s all possitive.
Now, we gotta get up earlier, way earlier, tomorrow.
We do need to get rid of the idea that Our Saturday is wasted though. It’s not really. Sure, We got fucked out of time. It’s gonna be late. The run’s gonna take a while. At least 4.4 miles. So that sucks. But it doesn’t really matter now, does it. We can’t do shit about that. What We can do is do all Our stuff and get it over with. And then, then We’ll see what time it is.
It’s hot like a motherfucker…
May 24
00:05
There’s really not much to say. There’s never anything to say actually. It’s better to do. Better to get in on the action. In on the game.
But the game isn’t what most of them are playing at. Yours is very different. Very much. And honestly. You see that shit. You see that look, that disgust? Honestly…
We don’t know what exactly. What it is that We can say. About that shit, about the nature of that shit. Where it comes from, what it means, exactly…
The nature of their minds… The nature of their existing thoughts that perpetuate and mold other patterns of thinking.
That look… That same look. Many have that look…
It’s that look of envy. Probably. Not sure though. Never sure. We don’t know anything when it comes to these things.
The words too, the way these people started talking, the way they try and shift the conversation. That way they always have though now more focused. More annoyed, it seems, by what’s being revealed. That limitless nature, that endless struggle. The will to go beyond.
This is enough. Kinda hate the way We’re putting things down here. Don’t like talking about them. Or at least in that way. It’s kinda sad, bad… Don’t really know…
11:56
This is what We do. Is it not. Get up, get after it. Then get after it some more. And some more, and some more. And We gotta get after it some more. When it comes to this bullshit We gotta type down some more. Start journalling properly… Whatever that means.
How do feel. Not about anything in particular. Not about ourself. About the workouts, the pain, about everything that has to do with all this. Don’t talk to people anymore. Just write down in a way you would talk to these motherfuckers. They don’t wanna know. They don’t. So don’t bother.
It’s obvious, isn’t it. Work, and work, and work, and work. And when some thoughts arise, some of those meaningless external thoughts, focus on what’s important and get back into the work. It’s always been like that. We gotta gain control of this madness and ignore what’s not internal. Everything that’s other is of no consequence to Us. You know. You know damn well. Back in the day, back then… You’ve thought about it so often. Leave it all behind.
Remember how it was. Remember how that shit was. Remember the notions, the mentality. Remember how they treated you. Remember how they felt. Remember how they acted. All in relation to you. Not anybody else, nor anything else…
How can We get better, what is it We must do? What can we do? All We know now is We gotta get more, go further, go deeper. Become that which We should’ve been years ago.
May 25
11:59
Hot as fuck…
This shit’s gonna be hard. This shit’s gonna be extreme. Kinda like it. Kinda love it. There’s nothing but the hardship, the harshness… It’s the only thing that matters. The only thing that’s real. The hurt, the pain. The struggle, against the self, against the mind. Against everything that opposes.
21:22
This should be Our main focus. How do We get better at this. How can We do more, how can We rise in Our own competence. How can We turn Our life into something that works, that builds, that grows particular ideals. How do We make it worth their while? It’s not just a life. It’s the way you’re living it. The way you’re inside the struggles, the flows, whatever comes your way.
You can only do so much at a given time. Though you can try to get the most out of that frame. It’s hard to keep at it though… So find a way to so so, find ways to keep the grind flowing. Whenever hands are free, write. Whenever the mouth is free, speak. Whenever the mind is free, think. Whenever the body is free, work. More and more, until the being itself becomes the work. Until existence itself becomes the life… The one you wish to live. The one you wish to maintain. The only one you dream of attaining. Nothing else matters. It’s never gonna matter. None of it. These people and their ways… These people and their minds. It’s not that they don’t matter. It’s that their knowledge is obsolete, of no use to Our ways. Because they will never walk Our path.
May 26
05:22
Let’s do this. We got that motivation now, so keep it going. Keep it up. Don’t let it get beat down by any negativity thrown your way. There’s no such thing. It’s just people and their lack of achievement. That’s all that shit is.
So get it. Get shit done, no matter what… We gotta focus, gotta up that game. Be more. Don’t exaggerate though. Grow piece by piece. That’s all.
17:16
Still gotta do what We gotta do. This shit’s fucked up. Think We burned Our hand pretty bad. Hand and wrist. Kinda fucked up. Gotta keep going though. That’s the only way. Fuck, go until the pain disappears. No matter how long it takes. Minutes, hours, days. Fucking months…
You know. Of all the times, of all those moments. This is the perfect one. That bright ass burning sun straight on the burn, and there’s no escaping it.
Madness…
May 27
05:23
Hand’s all messed up. We’ll see how it goes. Probably gonna be better in a couple days. Probably. Hopefully.
Other than that, doing great. Little bit more sleep than yesterday. Workout took a couple seconds longer though felt more effective.
Don’t have much else to say. Feeling good in a sense. Feeling empowered. Also a little curious as to how this hand thing is gonna turn out.
Guess We’ll know soon enough…
13:01
It creeps up on you…
It’s always there, you know, it’s always present. Though often times there’s no need, no necessity, not a shred of yearning. Because everything is going great, everything is filled with pleasant or important seconds. Once those feelings fade… That’s when that nastiness surfs up again.
17:19
Today was a lazy day compared to yesterday, though We had some fun, and We must experiment with the nature of Our burnt hand. It’s a mess. Actually pretty bad.
22:03
Just write some. Like a madman. Get it out. Whatever it is. It ain’t hatred nor resentment. It’s not happiness or love either. It’s not an emotion nor a feeling any human could describe. So We must. Because deep down We understand, a part of Us ain’t human. A part of Us is something that goes deep and dark. The only word within any dictionary able to explain. Demon… A master of Darkness. The ultimate seat of energy. The endless, the limitless nature that lies within this land of shadow. Waiting for someone brave enough to venture through and find what is pure insanity.
22:34
What We learned so far…
Fuck everybody… Because nobody really cares. They don’t. And they never will…
22:37
Well. Fuck it. Just… Fuck it. We’re gonna do this shit. We’re gonna keep doing this shit. Always. Forever more. More, and more, and more… And even more. And fuck anybody… Don’t even know what to put there exactly. As We’re truly figuring out their nature whilst exploring Ours.
We’re not better, We’re not stronger nor faster. We’re not more. But We are hella different. Very different. And honestly… Think We should start putting that on other people. Think We should start with being a little harsher towards their comfort addiction. Fuck their comfort. We need Our struggle, We need that confrontation.
May 28
05:24
Another Thursday. Just another Thursday…
Keep it up, get it going. This shit is easy. It’s annoying, it’s harsh, it’s exactly what it should be. And that’s why it’s easy. Because nobody’s gonna do this shit. Nobody’s gonna get up and do this shit. They wouldn’t wanna get it in. They wouldn’t wanna get up this early. They wouldn’t wanna sleep this bad. They wouldn’t wanna cruise this pain. They wouldn’t want anything that has something to do with this.
The hand seems to be looking a little better. Don’t fucking know though. Could be Our imagination. We’ll see by tomorrow.
17:30
Another hot day. This shit’s gonna kill Us. Big time. Fuck it though. The hand’s all fucked up. Don’t know why it’s like this all of a sudden. Yesterday it felt a lot better. Can’t let it drag Us down though, can’t let it hold Us back. They don’t know Us, son…
Never thought We’d write those words. Kinda cringed, but then again, it’s true. They don’t, and they never will. Which is a good thing actually. It really is. Don’t let’em know Us. That’s the smart move on Our part. Maybe one day We will, but by that day, We’ll’ve reached a certain level… A place they can’t. A state they could never comprehend. So then, that will be Our advantage.