Well. It’s different isn’t it. Very strange. Everything changed. Bet everything changes all the time, though it goes at such a pace undetectable by the distracted mind drowning in self pity and what not. It’s only now that We figured, realized, unveiled, that everything changes, and it does so drastically. Not fast, nor in extreme extents. Just the impact on the mental part. That’s all which is effected. Slowly, viciously, over the period of time each of us refers to as life. Life…
Wonder how you are, if you’re still somewhere. Maybe. Who knows. It’s been so long, and We never really wrote to you, because we knew each other before We grasped the pen, way before there was mention of Us. Often contemplate whether you’d accept this expansion, this multiplication. Knowing the person you were back then, We doubt that’d be the case.
It’s funny isn’t it. That’s something We know for sure, you’d think of this as something funny, and if you’re still out there We bet you’d be thinking that exact thing all the time. It should’ve been Us. That’s what should’ve been, though you chose, you took that step. You went. And We don’t blame you.
Not a Soul
Nobody knows, We kept the promise. Think people wouldn’t even be able to figure it out now, maybe some, but most. Maybe most, but some. Don’t know the correct order, don’t know anything these days. Other than We’ve grown into a man of Our word. Because We kept the promise, never told a soul, never told one soul about what happened, what you did, and why you did it. Most would blame Us anyway, because they wouldn’t believe the truth, that which sits right before them, at least, those that knew the other you. Yeah. We’re pretty sure you passed that maniacal fragmentation onto Us. That’s why We’re here, fractured spirit, typing shit out that shouldn’t be said. Though it’s part of Us now. Maybe a sliver of your soul slid and glued onto Ours. Is that even possible? Now We’ve gone completely mental, asking, you of all people, a question. The answer would be an illusion, a delusion.
We were full of those not too long ago. Just after your solo venture, your lonely travels. That’s when it started. Split up by fate, a devastation We were unable to process, so We hid it deep down. Then it surfaced a couple years later. But We figured it out. All it took was forgiveness. That’s all it took. Ourself, you, and the few that opposed us. Though We’re sort of glad things went the way they did. Happy even. Because here We sit, hovering obsessively over these words like a vulture circling pray. The desert sun illuminating Our path along these slathers. A harsh radiance, a heatwave of everlasting scorch. Endless pondering. We could say that your actions taught Us a lesson, gave us wisdom. We just ignored the mystical gift too long, too often did we dive behind cover when your voice crept back up, when your words caressed Us with whispers of solitude. You were an advocate of solitude without a doubt. You preferred it above anything else. Even us. We don’t mind, not anymore. We’ve come to adore the gift of loneliness, the hours that left Us with Our own thoughts. Granting Us the opportunity to reminisce on our forgotten days, our lost hours. Our mind never forgot, Our mind was never lost. Maybe lost deep in the thought of your touch, your soothing voice, your wet lips. That’s all in the past now.
Living Past
Do you even have a past. As long as We live, then it still exists. They don’t know you like We did, so it’s safe to assume that they cannot keep your past alive. We are the only person in existence that has those memories containing the real you, the one that smiled unconditionally. The one that broke silences only to raise them up once again.
The clouds are nice… you would’ve loved them, you know… sit out by the river, talk for hours, smoke a big fat green wrap, get beyond our senses. Maybe get some, usually depended on the state We were in. That’s why We adored you so much. You were the one after it, not Us, never Us. But at least you accepted that, respected that. That’s a blessing these days, a miracle. You know, or you don’t, but it’s either they don’t like Us for who We are, which is most of the time, or they don’t like Us for what We aren’t, which is annoying. To them then, because We’re all about staying true to this self. Allegiance to the soul. You taught Us that. Couldn’t do much more than say thank you, and show Our eternal gratitude by edging your anonymous being into the halls of eternity. If at least We manage to attain such a high standard of deliverance. Hope We do, for your sake. For your existence. Because you deserve a future, one you’ll never have, one you’ll never know. But you do deserve one.
Goodbye…, For Now
We must leave you now, just like you left Us, but not entirely, time will fall upon Us once again, and then We must speak to you once more. And some time after that probably another attempt. And then keep this up until there’s an answer. Not from you, but within ourself. That’s what We’re after. A revelation cast down by your eternal wisdom. The way you’ve lived your life, or better said, the life We’ve been blessed with to witness. That was an example of truly living, truly existing. Not many souls on this surface could manage to reach such a standard. Not in a million years. And honestly, We envy that. But only that. Maybe more. Probably more. Because We’re still here, and you might be out there, definitely somewhere else.
We miss you, We’ve never missed anyone else, so hope this is what that feels like. Otherwise it is something different and We just can’t explain what that is then. So let’s just say, We miss you.
‘In the fire, in the flame, we lost all sense, though never hope. We came to see, we came to understand, that burning desire is bound by fuel, a necessity for survival. And what is survival to us if it isn’t the end. The end of things that hold us present.’ Yours truly. The Madman