Well, here We are. It’s different now, isn’t it. Nobody ever mentions that. Nobody ever wants to talk about it. The change, the one happening that’s beyond your control, the one you often come to hate because it is sudden, unexpected, and usually not exactly what you had in mind for the coming months. It might feel like you’re the only one going through change, through the whirlpool of alteration, but you’re not. This shit, this madness, unfolds before every person’s eyes. Can you live with it, through it? That’s the only question each of us has to ask themselves every time this change occurs. And frankly, from Our point of view the answer should always be yes. It should contain the finishing words, ‘let’s get this shit’.
All that aside. We’ve been a bitch, a punk, a loser, a weeper, a whiner, an afraid piece of shit. We ran from close to everything in Our life and never faced that which required Our attention. Today We would dare to say that much has come to change, but not by some external force of unpredictable effects. No, this here, this time, it was done by Our own hand, through Our own mind. We’re nothing near half way, not even far from the start. It’s a long tedious road, a path of extreme failure, ultimate reflection, and most of all, honesty itself.
How Far…
How far can We take this, because the abyss seems endless. One lifetime would never be enough, a hundred would get Us closer, but nowhere near a finish. There’s all this potential and all this knowledge on who We are or who We can be. That’s a quest We can waste Our time on, and We say waste because you have to understand, in a sense, that it’s all just a bunch of bullshit, just a means to cope with the empty time that represents your life. Much like an agenda for work or school, you have to fill in this schedule of life, but it’s not something you write, it’s about doing things. Whatever it is you feel like doing. And it’s not the ‘if knitting makes you happy, make a sweater.’ Fuck happy. That’s something We’ve learned in the last couple of months. To suffer is to gain, that’s a truth not many preach, but it’s a strong truth, a real one, and the second it hits, well, then it hits hard. There’s no end to suffering, but there’s one to happiness. But We do feel that from endless pain comes a form of happiness, a stronger one than anything We’ve ever used or tried to gain pleasure.
The further you go, the more you gain in return. So, Our question to you, how far? To the end of this world? Or the edge of this universe? For Us it’s simple, whatever it takes to find the edge, not necessarily to the universe, just Our edge, which could be the same thing, and that goes for you too. But just know that anything will try and oppose any move you make towards achieving the goal of suffering. Distraction runs rampant, by everything and everyone around you, by yourself, the voices begging, pleading for a day off, a moment’s rest, one minute without questioning the self, not the image, not the worth, just the reflection and your own opinion of what it represents.
Oaths To Self
There’s this oath for everyone. It’s not about being successful, a better person, a winner, rich, beautiful, perfect. It’s none of that. It comes close to, ‘can you live with the real self’, with the one that slumbers beneath all the stories, all the lies, all the excuses, all the ignorance. We’re starting to notice these things in others and it’s damn interesting. We’ve noticed this shit within Us months ago, somewhat close to a year and a half now. That’s why We’re on this like a hyena gets on scraps, ruthless. Maybe not the best analogy, but let’s run with it. Because that’s how you’ve got to get yourself, think like this, eat like this, work like this, sleep like this. Even take a crap like this. We’re still working on this Ourself. It’s hard, We can be honest about that. Guess it’s gonna be like that forever. But it did help Us realize what it takes, what’s required to advance the person in the mirror, and We’re not talking physique, a feature, whatever. What We refer to is that glimmer staring back at you. It has levels to its shine, tints, brightness. There’s a degree of reflection one must consider.
Are you gonna go after that shit. Or will you remain in the same place as before, being dependant, affected by that external change. Or, will you grasp life and alter yourself so much that the external differences won’t even affect you any longer. It’s harsh, that much We can tell, and failure will become your friend or you’ll quit without a second thought. Nothing, no one, can help you. This is a lonely journey, though people can support you in your choices and endeavors, and the right people in your life will do as much. Those that don’t belong will reveal themselves instantly. That’s something We figured out quite fast.
Pile of Knots
You know, this was some side piece shit, something extra, though as important as any other letter We wrote already, it’s something necessary. Maybe it’s a way for Us to realize that there’s still a lot of work ahead of Us, a giant pile of knots to unravel and figure what each of these represent. Because it’s important to be honest. Honesty is key when it comes to this here, and especially the work required, as the work will lead to the understandings and eventually to the next steps. And We got a lot more steps to take, thought it’s rather easy to make yourself believe you’ve taken quite a few, or even enough, but that’s a dangerous pattern of thought and you should at all times avoid thinking enough has been done. So, tomorrow We continue…