It’s always this back and forth. An insanity. You might understand, grasp the matter. The manner in which these contemplative voices communicate. Do you have the same type of whispers bouncing around that pretty skull of yours, the corruption in a perfect mess. Are you a mess just like Us? Well, is it possible for someone else to become such a disastrous entity in the first place?
We’re after this, We’re on Our way. Never talked all too much about this thing of Ours, not to many people at all. Only the occasional mention that escaped Our mouth because all filters failed and rebooted. You know about it. It’s been a while since We went, but you know about it. Not much, no details, no juicy stories. Maybe this here’ll become a dripping tale of mingling. But We prefer to keep the details out when it comes to Our minutes of pleasure.
Sometimes it lasts, other times it passes quick enough to induce shame. Hope this time it’ll dance in between. Got a time limit. Sort of out of the blue, this one. You know how We are.
Honestly, a lot of these experiences are enlightening. They end with a revelation which blesses us with the truth. Just that one time, well, a thousand “one time’s”, is enough. To endure all else that follows, all else that belongs in order to gain release. That’s too much, it would take a chunk of Our time We just can’t exchange for something as trivial, as mundane as this physical expansion of spirits intertwining.
The Walk
A waste of time, a fucking waste of money. That’s what that shit was. And maybe some disease on top of that. Yeah, We should never do it again. Never. But you know Us, that shit’s impossible. Or We find a standard cunt to screw. That’s a plan, but like We mentioned, that would cost Us a lot of time, too much time in fact. Even if it is simply some friends with benefits kinda stuff, even if it is just a perpetual fling that occurs now and then.
It’s weird, isn’t it. We always told you that it was like this, and that remains to be the case, it is what it is, and that’s why we don’t seem to bother most of the time. Did expect this in a way, maybe that’s the reason, maybe that’s what fucks it up in the first place. Yeah, it’s a gas, a waste. And that puts us in this back and forth. It’s always this back and forth. And maybe now that We’ve done this, lived this experience once again, We can finally say goodbye. To the habit, to the notion. Maybe We should find someone. That’s what everyone else is doing. You, him, the other one’s never without someone.
Strange Sensations
Don’t like the idea, don’t feel the idea. It’s like We said, just a waste of time. It’s always a waste of time. What’s to gain from this We wonder. We ponder it often. We go back and forth, around and about. It’s a mess. Are you still that mess, are you better at hiding the madness these days? Is that what’s going on. We ponder. Is there somewhere someone out in the civilized wilderness that fits my character, my person, that would handle my faults without fail? Is there someone that We’d adore, a person We would feel comfortable with sharing Our secrets? Our desires.
How did this turn into some contemplation on love? Weird right, don’t you think? Fucking weird. Almost interesting. We’ve never loved another person in this life, never in Our entire existence did the urge to do so manifest. Is it a fault, an error in this brain of Ours? Would you even know.
Fucked up my ankle earlier. Well, it was fucked before that, but now it’s worse. We feel that motherfucker, constantly now. That’s a blessing in disguise, distracting Us from the madness unfolding. It is obvious, We don’t feel like doing this any longer, this excursion of red lights. Though We don’t feel ready to build something serious, something that sticks and reveals both caring and hating, loving and detesting.
Blessed Distractions
Home now, just did some pull-ups, was the only thing left We had to do. See, and We nailed that shit. So why can’t We nail the nailing. It’s so weird. Strange. But fuck it. We should focus on what’s important. We’re very bad at maintaining focus. Always were. It’s from one topic onto the next. This here’s not a good example though. Because here, however funny, We’ve managed to maintain a focus, even with the intervention of slamming cheeks. It’s a strange thing.
Well, We’re home, home alone, and still got a couple things to do. Shower, eat, stretch, and sleep. Probably gonna get late. Hope We can get up tomorrow, at a decent time. Weekends have been a mess lately.
Only stretching’s left, that’s all. Gonna hit it soon enough, first We gotta smoke. It’s a bad thing, with all that’s going on right now. But hey, you smoke too, right. A lot of people still do.
Shouldn’t define Our actions, nor Our behavior. But it is what it is, just the same as that expedition of lust turned out to be a sour half hour. There’s nothing in it, nothing special about it. Wouldn’t be any different if it was with a bonded soul, with a passion for a particular personality.
Could it be that We don’t believe in such things, could it be that to Us this seems rather tedious and illusory. Something that’s made up because it has us surrounded all the time, embraced by a warmth of companionship. A distraction from the loneliness that strangles each of us. Well, it seems most people run from that solitary state their entire life. Not Us though, We invite it into Our daily flow. We hunker for those moments where solitude is practiced. To sit with Our thoughts and madness, contemplating the many words that surface when all else goes quiet. When all else fades from this plane of consciousness. When the opportunity is created to surf along the waves that plunge onto the beach of perception, carrying the gift of reflection.